Don't Take the Girl
by aumontalc
Summary: April's been in a bad accident. How will Jackson react? Set during April's engagement to Matthew.


Jackson's forehead hit the cold metal of the locker. His hands were balled into fists at his sides. It wasn't fair. April couldn't...she couldn't leave him. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. She had her faults but she was a good person. A far better person than most people he knew. Her time hadn't come yet. It was too soon.

As his heart squeezed in agony, he fought off the emotion by slamming his fist against the locker. And with each tear that fell his hand continued to hit the hard, unforgiving metal.

"J..Jackson," he heard Stephanie tentatively say.

"What?" he barked, not turning, not wanting her to see him in the midst of his mental breakdown. More than anything he wanted to be alone.

"I just came to see how you were doing."

"I'd like to be alone. I'm not really in the mood to talk right now."

"I know this is a lot to take in. When we lost Heather, it was so awful. Losing a friend is really tough, but I'm here for you. I've been in your shoes before. I know how this feels."

A hollow laugh escaped Jackson's lips as he turned around. "You have no clue how I feel. April wasn't some work buddy that I'd known for only eight months. She means a lot more to me than what that stupid intern ever meant to you. I know you're just trying to make me feel better, but the only way you can do that is to get the hell out."

Stephanie's face crumpled and on a normal day, he would feel guilty about what he'd said, but not today. His whole world had been shattered. He had the right to act like a douche.

* * *

"Dude. You've got to stop harassing the nurses. They'll let you know when you can go in and see Kepner," Karev told Jackson as he walked up to the nurses' station. "Why don't you take a seat? I have a patient I need your opinion on."

Jackson reluctantly sat down next to Karev and half-heartedly listened as he discussed his current case. In the middle of the other man's spiel, Jackson's eyes caught sight of the six foot four ignoramus who was currently engaged to April. Springing from his chair, Jackson lunged towards Matt.

"Hey, dillhole! Who taught you how to drive?" Jackson asked.

"Come on, man. I feel bad enough. I don't need crap from you too."

"You feel bad? Do you know what severe internal injuries means? It means she could have died. Learn how to drive, jackass! She almost died because of you." With his last words, he shoved the other man backwards.

"Man, I know you're upset or whatever but you better not push me again."

Lack of sleep and hours spent miserably in fear and panic had taken a toll on Jackson. His ability to reason had been completely shut off. All he knew was that April could have been taken from him forever and it was the man standing in front of him's fault. Jackson reared back his fist and hit Matthew squarely on the jaw.

A few seconds later, Jackson felt the paramedic's fist against his own cheek. He scrambled forward again, but two sets of arms were holding him back.

"Avery," Hunt barked. "Cool it. Walk it off or better yet, go get some sleep in an on call room. We'll let you know when you can see her."

Jackson shrugged out of Hunt and Karev's grasp. "I'll be over at Joe's."

* * *

Halfway through his first drink at Joe's, Jackson was paged that April was ready to be seen. He ran back to the hospital as fast as he could.

"Her prognosis looks really good. She sustained injuries to her windpipe so she will be unable to speak for a week, possibly two. She'll also have to have physical therapy for at least six months, but it looks like April should be able to make a full recovery," Bailey told Jackson.

"Thanks. If you don't mind, I'd like some alone time with her," he said.

"Of course," Bailey said, closing the door behind her.

Jackson bent down next to April's bed, grabbed her hand between his own and gently kissed it. He wasn't an overly mushy man, but he felt he could literally write a sonnet about how beautiful her damn hand was, how her cheeks that were slowly regaining their color made his heart skip a beat, and how the steady rise and fall of her chest made him want to weep. She was alive. She wasn't awake, but she was alive. That was all that mattered.

Nuzzling her hand against his cheek, he stared at her battered and bruised face. All he could think about was how he'd almost lost her. For good. It wasn't like during the storm when he'd disappeared for a few seconds. He'd never been in any real danger. He hadn't had to fight for his life. But April. That was a near miss. She'd almost...she'd almost been gone from his life forever. And that was something he couldn't handle.

Still holding her hand, he began to speak, "I think I took it for granted when I proposed that you'd know this, but I love you April. I started falling for you hard after that first night in San Francisco. I think it might have even started before that. But right now, I love you so damn much it hurts to breathe. I have tried hard to move on. So hard to let myself be happy and to let you find happiness with that paramedic guy. But I just can't anymore. You're the only thing that makes me happy. Makes me truly happy. And I don't care that I'm with someone and I don't care that you're getting married. I don't care anymore. I know what I want now...You. I love you April."

* * *

_"Matt, you've got to talk to me. The whole point of premarital counseling is communication, being open and honest with one another."_

_April watched as Matt stared straight ahead, unblinking, his face emotionless as he drove down the highway._

_"Please Matt, tell me what you're thinking," April begged._

_"You were just a little too honest this afternoon, April. I wasn't ready to hear that. I mean I thought when you said you'd slept with Jackson it was like a one time thing. I didn't know it had been going on for months. I didn't realize you had taken on screwing him like it was a part time job."_

_April winced in pain. She knew the moment that Pastor Henry had brought up the subject of past sexual history that it was going to be an unpleasant conversation._

_"How many times, April?"_

_Flabbergasted, April shook her head in confusion. "What?"_

_"How many times did you screw him? He must have been really good in bed. What kinds of stuff did you do? Normal stuff or were you two into kinky S&M? You know when I pictured the woman I wanted to marry I thought we'd learn all of this stuff together. I didn't expect to marry a woman who could write a flipping encyclopedia on sex."_

_"I didn't have sex that much. I could hardly write a book about it," April said unthinkingly. All of a sudden, she realized what he was really upset about. "Matt," she said, touching his arm. "It's OK if you don't know what to do. We'll work it out together. It'll just take some time."_

_"Don't," Matt said as he shrugged off her arm. "I don't want to talk about this right now."_

_Matt put his foot on the gas and sped up. As he looked over his shoulder to change lanes, he noticed too late the other truck trying to merge in the same lane. A shocked cry escaped from April's lips before everything went black._

* * *

April's eyelids were heavy. Her body ached all over and her throat felt raw. At first, all she noticed was the pain, but after a minute, she realized someone was holding her hand and talking to her. The soft, soothing rumble could only come from one person. Jackson.

"I love you, April. I love you so much."

* * *

He loves me was April's last thought before exhaustion and meds sucked her back into a blissful sleep.

Hours later she awoke again to whispered words and a strong hand holding her own. This man wasn't Jackson. It was her fiancé, Matthew. Her brain was in a swirl of mixed emotions - fear, anger, confusion, but underneath it all was an underlying happiness. She didn't have the mental strength to sort it all out now. So she did the only thing she could do right now. She listened.

"I'm so sorry, April. I'm so sorry. If I hadn't been so angry, I would have been paying better attention and I would have noticed that guy who was trying to get in the same lane. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault," Matt said, choking back a sob.

April's eyelids were too heavy to lift, but she could feel Matthew's tears as he kissed her hand.

"I was so stupid. I...I let my jealousy get the better of me. It was just so hard to hear you talk about your relationship with Jackson. I mean how am I supposed to compete with that guy? I haven't had sex so I don't know if I'm any good at it. The way you talked about Jackson it was very clear that you were satisfied with the sexual side of your relationship. What if I'm not as good as he was in bed? It sounds so stupid to worry about, but you're gonna be my wife. When you're in bed with me, I don't want you to be wishing you were in bed with him. But all that doesn't matter now. What matters is that I love you. I hope when you wake up you'll be able to forgive me."

* * *

Jackson let out an audible sigh as he saw Stephanie approach. He hadn't seen much of her in the past couple of days and he wasn't quite sure he was ready to see her now. He needed to break up with her, but now, while he was waiting for news about April, didn't seem like a good time. No, once April's condition was stable, he'd have a long chat with Stephanie and get everything sorted out.

Stephanie stopped a few feet away from him. "Look, I know you were upset about April and that's the way you acted why you acted. It's OK. I forgive you. This time. Just don't let it happen again."

"I was harsh. I'm sorry," Jackson admitted. No matter how upset he was he shouldn't have treated her that way. April would never do something like that.

"It's OK. Look, I'm going home now. Are you working late or should I make something for dinner?"

Jackson looked down at his shoes. A month ago, moving in with Stephanie had seemed like a great idea. It had been his attempt to prove to himself and everyone else that he no longer wanted or needed April in his life. Right now, though, it was proving to be one of the stupidest decisions of his life. Not only did he have to break up with Stephanie; he had to ask her to move out as well.

"Um, no. I'll probably just sleep in the on call room tonight," he said.

"Oh, well, don't work too hard," she said before leaning over to kiss him.

Jackson managed a half smile before she turned and walked away. His guilt was eating at him. Why had he let this go on for so long? He wished he had taken the advice one of his patients had offered him months ago. Don't run away from your problems, the old man had told him. Stay and fight.

_"So Mr. Green, are you ready to finish the debridement? I think one more round and we might be able to release you in a few days," Jackson informed the elderly African American man in front of him._

_"Yes, of course. Have at it."_

_Jackson gently took the man's arm and began to unwrap the gauze covering the man's burns. The man had been admitted a couple of weeks and Jackson had formed a kind of bond with him. Usually, he would have an intern do this type of work, but Mr. Green was special._

_"I saw you earlier today," Mr. Green mentioned. "With that redheaded doctor who is always so cheery."_

_"Yeah, that's my friend Dr. Kepner," Jackson answered, his eyes focused on his work._

_The older man chuckled. "Funny. I wasn't getting a friend vibe from what I saw. She was happy about something and wanted to give you a hug. Then, what did you do boy? You gave that woman a high five. A high five like you were some snot nosed nine year old at a grade school basketball meet. Young man, you're gonna need some moves to match those good looks of yours or you're never gonna find a woman."_

_"My moves are just fine. I already have a girlfriend," Jackson protested._

_"Then why didn't you hug that poor girl?"_

_Jackson looked at the older man. Gritting his teeth, he murmured, 'That's none of your business."_

_"Nah, I think I understand son. You two used to be something more than friends. That's why you were so awkward."_

_"I wasn't...awkward. She thinks...you know the problem is she doesn't think. One day, she wants us to be a thing. The next day, she doesn't. She can't make up her damn mind and she thinks I'm gonna be there waiting for her when she finally does. Well, I won't."_

_"So you're mad at her?" Mr. Green asked._

_"Hell yeah, I'm mad at her. When we were together, I felt like I was doing all the work. I was the one who put my heart out there. She never told me how she felt while we were together, she just blamed me for everything that went wrong in her life, but when I moved on, when she moved on. Did I mention she's engaged to another man? She comes back and tells me that she's sorry, that she wants me. And she expects me to believe that load of crap? Too little, too late."_

_"Why are you even talking to her in the first place? You know you don't have to be friends with your ex."_

_Jackson shook his head. "The thing is we were really close friends before the whole relationship stuff started. As mad as I am, I don't want to lose that. I don't think I could handle not being her friend."_

_Mr. Green looked at him sympathetically. "You should have hugged her."_

_"I know. The part of me that wasn't pissed at her wanted to, but if I did I wasn't sure if I could..."_

_"Control yourself?"_

_Jackson nodded, a half grin on his face._

_"Can I give you some advice?" the older man asked._

_"Sure," Jackson replied._

_"The woman that you love can make you the happiest man on earth or drive you completely insane. That's the way my Georgia was. When times were good, they were so good, if you know what I mean, but she could make me madder than a hornet in ten seconds flat with one of her stupid comments. But you know what? Good times and bad, I couldn't imagine another woman I'd rather have spent my life with. I can tell the redhead means a lot to you. Don't tuck your tail between your legs and run off. Stay and fight for her."_

_Jackson shook his head slightly. "That ship's already sailed. There's nothing left to fight for."_

_"Whatever you say man," Mr. Green replied, unbelievingly._

Jackson looked down at April. The nurses had paged him when she'd started waking up. He stared deep into her beautiful brown eyes.

"Hey, you," he said, softly. "It's good to see you awake. I don't know if you remember but you were in a pretty bad car accident a couple of days ago. You're gonna have to stay put for awhile."

Jackson noticed as her lips parted and a raw, guttural sound came from the back of her throat. He gently laid a finger against her lips. "Shh. Your windpipe was damaged in the accident. You're not going to be able to speak for a few days."

Jackson's heart wrenched as he saw a few tears slip past April's cheek. Leaning down, he bent to kiss her cheek and whispered in her ear, "It's gonna be OK. It's all gonna be OK. I'm not letting you go without a fight this time."


End file.
